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Reverend Bernice Woodall


CHARACTER PROFILE #66
Name:Reverend Bernice Woodall
Description: A Royston Vasey version of Father Ted
Childhood: Traumatic - Her mum was captured by the evil Papa Lazarou for his collection of wives one Christmas when Bernice was a little girl. He was dressed as Santa which is an anagram of Satan.
Dislikes: Parking spaces for the disabled taking up too much space at supermarkets.Disabled toilets being massiv.e

Reece Shearsmith
The fact that Bernice had such a dreadful time as a child means that she sees other peoples problems as trivial. She did sympathise with one Royston Vasey resident though. When Dr Chinnery came to see her after having killed yet another family pet he asked if she thought it was possible for a man to be cursed and she replied "Have you met Barbara?" This is as much compassion as she could muster. She hates to see little children crying though - she tells them to "SHUT UP!"

Bernice has very definite opinions about the sanctity of marriage. She told Mike and Cheryl as they signed the wedding register that they were both mad. She then asked them to think about the awkward fumblings as the passion fades and the tedium of enforced companionship. The marriage guidance course went well then Bernice?!!

Bernice also has a rebellious side to her nature. She had 'love' and 'hate' tatooed across her knuckles and she openly flirts with the grave diggers at funerals. God bless her! (Godamnit!)

Profile by 'Saucy Sal'


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Reverend Bernice Woodall Quotes
  • "I bet they'd get their arseholes pierced if they could get their cheeks into the machines."
  • "If god had meant us to walk everywhere he wouldn't have given us Little Chefs."
  • "Some people call this 'Theatre in Education' - I call it 'Aids in a van' - Adultery!"
  • "Ah! Now my thights are on fire! I look like a Hambel!"

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