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Not Quite Local
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Post by Not Quite Local » Thu Jun 07, 2007 12:24 pm

:lol: The amount that I found that funny really shows my mental age :lol:
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Tinkerbell2
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Post by Tinkerbell2 » Sat Jun 16, 2007 11:26 pm

Bad taste alert!

Apparently Michael Barrymore has turned down a Panto role this year!

When asked why he replied "I did Aladdin a few years ago and never heard the end of it"

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Post by I Can I Can't » Sat Jun 16, 2007 11:29 pm

Tinkerbell2 wrote:Bad taste alert!

Apparently Michael Barrymore has turned down a Panto role this year!

When asked why he replied "I did Aladdin a few years ago and never heard the end of it"
Hehehehee :oops:
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MrsShearsmith
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Post by MrsShearsmith » Sun Jun 17, 2007 6:22 pm

Haha my mum got this joke in a text message yesterday and read it to me!
"I do many things, I span the genres. They call me the Genre Spanner"

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Post by Tinkerbell2 » Tue Nov 06, 2007 1:26 pm

Gross but God is it funny! I've got tears running down my face...

The Poopie List

Ghost Poopie- The kind where you feel the poopie come out, but there is no poopie in the toilet.

Clean Poopie- The kind where you pooped it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.

Wet Poopie- The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and your underwear, so you won't ruin them with a stain.

Second Wave Poopie- This happens when you're done pooping and you've pulled your pants up to your knees and you realize that you have to poopie some more.

Pop-A-Vein-In-Your-Forehead-Poopie- The kind were you strain so much to get it out, you practically have a stroke.

Lincoln Log Poopie- The kind of poopie that is so huge, you're afraid to flush without first breaking it into little pieces with the toilet brush.

Gassy Poopie- It's so noisy, everyone within earshot is giggling.

Corn Poopie- Self explanatory.

Gee-I-Wish-I-Could-Poopie-Poopie- The kind where you want to poopie, but all you do is sit on the toilet & fart a few times.

Spinal Tap Poopie- That's where it hurts so badly coming out, you'd swear it was leaving sideways.

Wet Cheeks Poopie- (The power dump) The kind that comes out of your butt so fast, your cheeks get spalshed with water.

Liquid Poopie- The kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your butt and splashes all over the toilet bowl.

Dog Poopie- It smells so bad your nose burns.

Upper Class Poopie- The kind of poopie that doesen't smell.

The Suprise Poopie- You are not even at the toilet because you are sure your about to fart, but OOPS!- a poopie!

The Dangling Poopie- This poopie refuses to drop into the toilet even though you know you are done poopieing. You just pray that a shake or two will cut it loose.

:lol: :lol: :lol:


EDIT: Eheheh

A boy was meeting his girlfriend's parents for the first time for dinner. After dinner, his girlfriend and her mother left the room to do the dishes, leaving him with the father and the dog Duke, who was sitting underneath the boy's chair. Unfortunately, it was a large dinner and he really had to fart. He stealthily let out a quiet, but audible, fart.
"Duke!" the dad yelled.

"This is great!" the boy thought. "He thinks the dog is farting!" So he let out another one.

"Duke!" the father barked. The boy thought he was homefree so he let everything out at once in a really loud and smelly fart.

"Duke! Get out of there before the boy sh*ts on you!"

(Stolen from Comedy Central.com)

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Post by Son of Tubbs returns! » Wed Nov 07, 2007 6:17 pm

Q How does a french women hold her liquer?

A By the ears!


*Taxi*! :lol:
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Post by Tinkerbell2 » Tue Nov 20, 2007 5:28 pm

A guy is sitting at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He's slamming tequila left and right. He grabs one, drinks it, goes over to a window and jumps out. The guy who was sitting next to him couldn't believe that the guy had just done that. He was more surprised when, ten minutes later, the same guy, unscathed, comes walking back into the bar and sits back down next to him. The astonished guy asks "How did you do that? I just saw you jump out that window and we're hundreds of feet above the GROUND!". The jumper responds by slurring, "Well, I don't get it either. I slam a shot of tequila and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch." He takes a shot, slams it down, goes to the window and jumps out. The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls until right before the ground, slows down and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the guy walks back into the bar. The other guy has to try it too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He drinks it and goes to the window and jumps. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn't slow down at all...SPLAT! The first guy orders another shot of tequila and the bartender says to him, "You're really an a**hole when you're drunk, Superman."

--------------------------------

What do George Michael and Wellington Boots have in common?
They both get sucked off in bogs.

Mwahaha

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Post by Tinkerbell2 » Wed Dec 12, 2007 11:29 am

I bought a teddy today for £5, named him Mohammed and then sold him on for £10. Question is, have I made a prophet?!

(Cheers Caz :lol: )

*moves into the jokes thread*

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Post by Mandy Krell » Sat Feb 23, 2008 1:41 am

She should not be so fussy

A man enters his favourite ritzy restaurant, and while sitting at his regular table, he notices a gorgeous woman sitting at a table nearby all alone. He calls the waiter over and asks for their most expensive bottle of Merlot to be sent over to her, knowing that if she accepts it, she is his for the night.

The waiter gets the bottle and quickly sends it over to the woman saying this is from the gentleman at a nearby table. She looks at the man, then at the wine and decides to send a note over to the man. The note read: "For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank, and 9 inches in your pants."

The man, after reading this note, sends another note to her. It read: "Just so you will know, I happen to have a Ferrari Testarosa, a BMW 850iL, and a Mercedes 560SEL in my garage; plus I have over twenty-million dollars in the bank. But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you, would I cut three inches off my dick, - just send the wine back."

Parrot going cheap

A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said £50.00. "Why so little," she asked the pet store owner.
The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of prostitution, and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."
The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird anyway. She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something.
The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house, new madam."
The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought "that's not so bad."
When her two teenage daughters returned from school the bird saw them and said, "New house, new madam, new girls."
The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation. Moments later, the woman's husband, Keith, came home from work.
The bird looked at him and said, "Hello Keith."

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Post by Son of Tubbs returns! » Sun Mar 02, 2008 1:43 pm

A man was in a long line at his local Tesco store.
As he got to the register he realized he had forgotten to get condoms, so he asked the checkout girl if she could have some brought up to the register.
She asked, ‘What size condoms?’ The customer replied that he didn’t know.
She asked him to drop his trousers.
He did.
She reached over the counter, grabbed hold of him and called over the intercom, ‘One box of large condoms, Till 5.’
The next man in line thought this was interesting, and like most of us, was up for a cheap thrill. When he got up to the register, he told the checker that he too had forgotten to get condoms, and asked if she could have some brought to the register for him.
She asked him what size, and he stated that he didn’t know.
She asked him to drop his trousers.
He did.
She gave him a quick feel, picked up the intercom and said, ‘One box of medium-sized condoms, Till 5.’
A few customers back was this teenage boy. He thought what he had seen was way too cool. He had never had any type of sexual contact with a live female, so he thought this was his chance.
When he got to the till he told the checker he needed some condoms.
She asked him what size and he said he didn’t know.
She asked him to drop his trousers and he did.
She reached over the counter, gave him a quick squeeze then picked up the intercom and said...
‘Mop and bucket, Till 5’
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Post by Mandy Krell » Sun Mar 02, 2008 5:34 pm

Eeeeew the dirty fecka!!! :lol: :lol:


Did I tell you the joke about the new zoo keeper? He was doing his training and the person in charge said 'I'll start you off on something simple, you can feed the fish' Anyhow he fed the fish and they all died and although this was a tragedy it was his first day so the head zoo keeper said 'Never mind but you'll have to gather them all together and we'll feed them to the other animals later' Then he got the job of feeding some monkeys but as if he was Dr Chinnery they all died too, so they had to gather them together to make into food for the other animals. The head zoo keeper said 'Look I'm not being funny but we can only trust you to get the honey from the bees' so he did and all the bees died and again they were gathered up but because they had a sting in them they all got crushed up before they could be fed to any other animals. The head keeper decided to do this final feeding job himself and fed all the dead animals to the lions and one lion turned round and said 'Oh no not fish, chimps and mushy bees again'. Ok it was hardly worth it but it still makes me laugh. :lol:

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Post by Tinkerbell2 » Thu May 29, 2008 9:27 am

What is the difference between a forum moderator and toilet paper?

Toilet paper has a use.

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Post by MrsBeasley » Thu May 29, 2008 9:58 am

:?
"I don't know that I share your view"
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Post by Matt Adore » Thu May 29, 2008 4:01 pm

Tinkerbell2 wrote:What is the difference between a forum moderator and toilet paper?

Toilet paper has a use.
Have you been to the seminar on "How to win friends and influence people"? Was it shut?

Those ladies who moderate this forum are the salt of the earth and I honestly get the impression everyone here thinks so. I don't mind if you come on here and have a pop at me, I'm a big boy and I can take it but I will not stand by and let you insult our moderators like that.

You have taken up 2,616 posts to decide this is a boring place not worth being so who is the joke here? Are you still here?

You obviously have issues and if you'd like to discuss them feel free without insulting people please but if all you want is trouble then you'll be ignored.
Wish you were her
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Post by Son of Tubbs returns! » Thu May 29, 2008 4:50 pm

Tinkerbell2 wrote:What is the difference between a forum moderator and toilet paper?

Toilet paper has a use.

How adult.

Not only insulting to MY friends Sheila, Kate and Tracy, who I happen to to count among my best friends, its insulting to the rest of us. The three ladies work hard to keep this place up and running and sort out any problems and people who come on to mischief make.They are all sweet and kind and its unfair to subject them to childish abuse. I would defend them against anyone.

Plus you only came on to start an arguement in the first place and its a sorry state if you have nothing better to do with your time.

Why come on here, if you don't really want to and you feel there is nothing for you? IS it simply to cause an arguement or bad feeling?

And actually your purile comment, makes no one look bad, apart from yourself. Well done.

Silly girl.
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