Ask Bernice (advice thread)

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Judee Levinson
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Post by Judee Levinson » Fri Oct 06, 2006 9:38 pm

Thanks She'. That's great advice. I'll just see how it goes. I won't talk to him unless he wants to talk to me and see if I want to be friends with him. Thanks for reading all my drivel. I really appreciate it. :D
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Post by Stonesy » Sat Oct 07, 2006 11:28 am

Judee Levinson wrote:Thanks She'. That's great advice. I'll just see how it goes. I won't talk to him unless he wants to talk to me and see if I want to be friends with him. Thanks for reading all my drivel. I really appreciate it. :D
Kick him to the kerb. He's a user. :D

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Post by Judee Levinson » Sat Oct 07, 2006 1:47 pm

Stonesy wrote:
Judee Levinson wrote:Thanks She'. That's great advice. I'll just see how it goes. I won't talk to him unless he wants to talk to me and see if I want to be friends with him. Thanks for reading all my drivel. I really appreciate it. :D
Kick him to the kerb. He's a user. :D


That's what my mates said. Cheers Stonesy. :D
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Post by Stonesy » Sat Oct 07, 2006 3:01 pm

Judee Levinson wrote:
Stonesy wrote:
Judee Levinson wrote:Thanks She'. That's great advice. I'll just see how it goes. I won't talk to him unless he wants to talk to me and see if I want to be friends with him. Thanks for reading all my drivel. I really appreciate it. :D
Kick him to the kerb. He's a user. :D


That's what my mates said. Cheers Stonesy. :D
Well, I don't know him but I do know about blokes. Being one and all.

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Post by misstoadfacedenton » Tue Oct 24, 2006 7:51 pm

Right peoples, please could you advise me on a situation. I'm trying to get as many opinions as possible, before I go ahead and decide what I should do.

I'm really concerned about a friend of mine. I think she has fallen into something that will do more harm than good. This thing very much bases alot of it's ideas and such similar to that of Scientology. I've done some internet research and erm yeah, I'm worried. The descriptions of people's experiences who have taken part in the same thing as what my friend is doing, creeps me out, and doesn't bode well for her. Speaking to her since she's latched on to this thing gives me reason to believe that it is definately not good for her.

What I'm asking is, is how would you approach a friend with your concerns? (even though I'm guessing whatever I say, she won't listen anyway)

Sorry if what I've said sounds a bit vague. :?
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Post by MrsBeasley » Tue Oct 24, 2006 8:21 pm

misstoadfacedenton wrote:Right peoples, please could you advise me on a situation. I'm trying to get as many opinions as possible, before I go ahead and decide what I should do.

I'm really concerned about a friend of mine. I think she has fallen into something that will do more harm than good. This thing very much bases alot of it's ideas and such similar to that of Scientology. I've done some internet research and erm yeah, I'm worried. The descriptions of people's experiences who have taken part in the same thing as what my friend is doing, creeps me out, and doesn't bode well for her. Speaking to her since she's latched on to this thing gives me reason to believe that it is definately not good for her.

What I'm asking is, is how would you approach a friend with your concerns? (even though I'm guessing whatever I say, she won't listen anyway)

Sorry if what I've said sounds a bit vague. :?
OMG, I have absolutey no idea how I would deal with that apart from sit her down & share your concerns but as you said she probably won't listen.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do x
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Post by Foamy » Tue Oct 24, 2006 8:37 pm

If I were you MTFD I'd do what you said and share your concerns because it'll make you feel better and, with any luck, slightly more at ease with the whole thing and hopefully even if she doesn't listen to it all, bits will sink in and give her something to think about. Best of luck. :)
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Post by misstoadfacedenton » Wed Oct 25, 2006 11:24 pm

Cheers Ladies. I guess you said what I was thinking. It's nice to get confirmation that my viewpoint is valid. I've known this friend all my life (twentysix years is a pretty long time!) and we are like sisters in many ways, so I know I have to say something.

Thing is, it's not something I really want to discuss with her over the phone and I won't see her in person until december because she has moved away. The only problem with this, is that she keeps pestering me to go to an open family and friends day (in other words "Sales Day"). I've tried saying it's not my thing, but that's not sinking in. It's kinda frustrating but I'm hoping her friends living nearer to her will be able to shake some sense* into her.

*Don't get me wrong, everyone is entitled to live their life however they see fit, but in this case, I'm 100% certain what she is delving into is a big money making, brainwashing, clever marketing scam, with some seriously f*cked up ideas and ways of thinking. Dare I say, cult.

Thanks again.
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Post by Stonesy » Fri Oct 27, 2006 6:42 pm

May I make a suggestion which some may consider frivolous?

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Post by misstoadfacedenton » Fri Oct 27, 2006 10:52 pm

Stonesy wrote:May I make a suggestion which some may consider frivolous?
Aye, frivor away.
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Post by Stonesy » Sat Oct 28, 2006 10:43 am

Well, basically, if it was me and my mate joined a cult (and a lot of are stupid enough to) and they invited me to an open day, I'd go along to the open day and just take the piss out of the whole thing constantly. Your mate might not be best pleased but they've joined a cult so I'd say you probably won't have them as a mate much longer anyway.

Seriously though good luck with it. You can never have enough mates.

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Post by ratgirl » Sun Oct 29, 2006 12:50 pm

That sounds a really tough thing to deal with! I would hope that your friend will see sense soon, though. Although VL's comments are a good idea, I'd suggest that if she doesn't listen/gets angry to try and leave things for a little while, because if she's a close friend the most important thing is not to push her away accidentally, which could just make her move further into the cult thing as she feels she has no one else to turn to. A close friend of mine has a massive problem with this guy I'm seeing, and simply won't listen to my point of view, with the result that we seem to be gradually drifting apart, which I don't want to happen but I don't know how to stop it when she gets so disapproving every time he's mentioned! So be careful not to say too much.

Another thought, though - usually when people get into these kind of things, it's because something traumatic or upsetting has happened to them and they don't know how to deal with it. Then the cult appears to present some kind of solution which they can't find for themselves (the whole appealing to the vulnerable thing). Do you know of something that has happened to your friend which might have pushed her in this direction? If so, perhaps you could talk to her about that instead - or if you don't know of anything, perhaps ask her if something is worrying her that she needs to talk about. Just a suggestion. Good luck! :)
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Post by Son of Tubbs returns! » Sun Oct 29, 2006 6:59 pm

My friend has a boyfriend who I can not abide.

My heart would sink if we went out for an evening and he came.

I think he isn't good enough for her. I think he is a lazy freeloader. He cames form a poor country.He has moved from there to live with her and her family (who I know from experience are generous and kind).He has been there three months and everytime we speak I ask her if he has a job. He hasn't. I bet he can't believe his luck. he has landed on his feet.

I also don't understand what she see's in him.He doesn't read.,not interested in cinema, theatre or any of the arts. Im my opinion he is dull and boring.Only interested in his own culture and not prepared to intergrate into the society in which he has moved.

I know it sounds awful, but I hope it all just fizzles out, not likely as they have now said they are engaged.

But I don't say anything because I value my friends friendship more than I dislike him. If I said anything it would hurt her and make me look jealous and bitter, which Im truly not..

So after all that waffling its like VL say's, Stand by your friend no matter what!

EDIT.Just read the above and I sound horrible don't I?
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Post by Son of Tubbs returns! » Sun Oct 29, 2006 7:35 pm

Its like this guy my friend knows,whilst Im civil to him, he must know I don't like him?

The temptation is hard not to tell her exactly what I think of him.

Plus I think he saw (they live abroad now, though I speak to her most sundays) me as a threat (im not).He couldn't see how a make and a female could be just friends. I think just tough luck, I knew hlr first and if he can't get his head around the oppisite sex being friends well tough luck to him really!!

VL your friends bloke sounds a nightmare.

Its too bad her friends couldn't stand by her, but i guess its sorted out who her REAL friends are.
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Post by Princess Profitt » Mon Nov 13, 2006 9:25 pm

Ok, need some serious advice here. been with my blokie for a year and a half now (we live together), and for the last few months he's had a bit of trouble with the booze. I've tried to be understanding but it's getting worse(he drank two bottles of brandy the other day after a crap day at work). He doesn't drink everyday, it's just when he starts he can't stop. He does have a very stressful job (he's a support worker), and has had family trouble in the past, not an excuse i know, but i'm trying to be understanding.Also he has no concept of money, he''s just taken out a three grand loan and i have no idea how he'll pay it off.

Besides this he is funny, clever and gentle, but the drinking and money probs are really geting me down. I can't help but think i'm only 23, should i have this much stuff to deal with? I had to look after my sister for years when my mum worked, then when she died (6 years ago) i had to look after my stepdad aswell. It might sound selfish but i don't want to have to look after everyone else all the time... :cry: What should i do?
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