I disagree- I think underneath all fake nice guys, there lurks misogyny. Or at least, underneath the fake nice guys they're talking about. Women are not people to a true fake nice guy- they're just things to be conquered somehow, generalised bunches of stuff who want to be treated badly, and if only they could see how nice Mr Nice Guy is, they'd want to put out for him straight away.But I also think there is something to the idea that not all "fake" nice guys are misogynists and arseholes.
Misogyny is what creates them. They build themselves on the idea of woman as some homogenous hot chick mass that's withholding the pussy from poor misunderstood them.
Not like real nice guys, good guys, strong guys, interesting guys, who see women as individuals.
But a certain type of fake nice girl is probably only out for what they can get from a man. I'm sure there are just as many fake nice girls out there who moan about how no man wants the sweet best friend. Even though what she really means is handsome men should want me. Uggers need not apply.Just like not all "fake" nice girls are only out for what they can get from a man.
I think the site is right on about women wanting a man who =gasp= likes himself, which, let's be fair, goes both ways. Men want women who like themselves, too. Not in a stuck up way, but in a self respect way.
Was it Nathan Fillion who said he likes people who are honest with themselves? Who have a bit of self-possession?
For me, I think it's about knowing yourself, being happy with your flaws and your good bits, and if a friend or lover doesn't like those bits, if they're constantly putting you down for them, then you've got to have the respect for yourself to walk away.
Personally, I try to be brutally honest with myself every day, and try to fix myself or be content with myself, and not need anyone else to try and """fix""" me. It's a hard slog, but otherwise you end up in that doormat trap. Trying to please everyone, be the someone that everyone else wants, trying to change yourself to be what they like, hurting every time they bash you.
Great, great point.We don't respect people who just roll over every time we blink. Worse, over time we start to wonder if that partner really cares about us at all. If they don't seem to have an opinion or care about *anything*, how can they have a very strong feelings for us?
Another great great point. And I think you know how I feel about subverting our personalities. I want to spend time with, and be liked by people who actually like me for me. People who I can believe if they say I'm being awful, and aren't just saying it because I don't want to talk about nail polish for seven hours.I think where a lot of us go wrong is in mistaking doormatness for niceness. We try to show the object of our affection that we care by not rocking the boat, by agreeing with them all the time, by doing whatever they want to do, by subverting our personality in favor of theirs. In that case, that's not real "nice", that's fake "nice" because it's not coming from our actual natures, but rather from a lack of self respect. We can have self respect, we can assert ourselves and our opinions, and still be truly nice, and I think that's what most people are really looking for.
And we now have about seventeen different definitions of fake nice. No wonder it's all confusing SoTR!